The new year
is always thought to be a time of growth and new beginnings, but as someone
with depression, the new year can be anything but. It’s cold, the days are
short & it gets dark early (I’m in the Midwest). Motivation is low for
people without depression and is extremely low for people with depression. One
would think that the new year would be a great time to add a resolution about
self-care or exercise or something to help with one’s mental illness, but I’ve
found that it’s actually the worst time and a huge challenge for me. For the
past several years I’ve made a new year’s resolution just like the majority of
people, but because of my depression, I never had the energy to even start.
Some people will start their resolution, but give up after a while and I
couldn’t even get started. Of course, I had good intentions with making a
resolution (or if I’m being honest, 2 or 3), but the reality is, for me at
least, that taking on something new is just too big of a challenge at least
around the new year. Not only is my motivation low, but I can’t help but
compare myself to others who are accomplishing goals and being successful with
their resolution. This comparison just makes me feel worse (and yes, I know I
shouldn’t be comparing myself to others, but you know it just happens). The
dark thoughts of “I’m not good enough” come flooding back when I think about
making a resolution at the start of the new year and that just drags me deeper
into the darkness. I think this next year I won’t make a resolution around the
new year, but will make it a goal to start a resolution sometime in the spring
or summer. Hopefully my motivation will increase with the temperature and daily
amounts of sunshine.
Aside from
the challenge of seeing everyone with resolutions, the new year is a time that
reminds me that another year has come and gone. While for some people, this
would be a celebration of the fact that they made it another year, but for me
it’s often a reminder that I struggled through another year. Not only that, but
everybody is looking ahead to all of the new & exciting things happening in
the upcoming year and all I can see are the dark times & struggles ahead
(because even if I’m feeling good at the moment, I know that inevitably, the
struggles will come back). This has been another great challenge of starting
the new year as someone with depression. It’s almost like I don’t want another
year to be here and gone because it’s just a reminder of how hard and how long
I’ve struggled. Somehow, though, I have found the strength to carry on through
all of these new beginnings and I know that this new year will be no different.
If you’re not someone who struggles with depression or mental illness, I encourage
you to be mindful of those who do when discussing your resolutions. For some,
this is a great time to start something new, but for others, this is one of
their greatest challenges.
