Sometimes...you just need to be held

Sometimes (although rarely) I can get out of bed and be in the lab before 7am, other times my roommate has to turn on my light, remove my blankets, fetch me coffee and still wait patiently for me to get out of bed (after 10am).

Sometimes I eat 3 full, balanced meals; sometimes I survive on coffee and chocolate.

Sometimes I'm strong and a shoulder for others; sometimes I'm weak and need a shoulder to cry on.

Sometimes I feel God's presence and sometimes I feel completely abandoned by Him.

Sometimes I have it all together; sometimes it appears as though I have it all together, and other times I'm a complete mess. And when I say complete mess I mean A COMPLETE MESS.

But you know what? It's ok. Now, I'm not saying that it's acceptable to completely forgo food and try to live on coffee and chocolate (I've tried...it doesn't work well), but it's okay to not have it all together. It's okay to be a mess. We hear all the time that "no one is perfect" and it's true whether we believe it or not. Have I always thought this way? Absolutely not. Am I still learning? You betcha!

A line in the song"Just Be Held" by Casting Crowns perfectly describes how I have so often felt: "Hold it all together, everybody needs you strong, but life hits you out of nowhere and barely leaves you holding on." Despite how one might be feeling on the inside, society has this expectation that we still hold it together, put on a facade and pretend that everything is fine. What I'm learning, however, is that it's okay to not be okay. It's okay to not have it all together. This is much easier said than done and believe me, I've been working on it for a while and will continue to do so for the rest of my life.

Now that the societal aspect is out of the way, let's move into something that's perhaps more difficult than admitting that we're not okay... letting ourselves be held. No, I'm not talking about being held by a friend while you cry or talk about difficult things, although that can be very comforting when you're admitting that you're not okay and/or having a bad day. I'm not talking about the extended hug you give your parents before you leave to head back to wherever you're going. I'm talking about being held by the Father. Just sitting in the silence and letting His love surround you. In our noisy, busy world, how often do we allow ourselves to "just be held?" I challenge you to listen to the song a couple of times paying special attention to the lyrics. What stands out to you? What can you do to allow yourself to "just be held?"

This is a drawing I did last summer after first hearing the song (and then listening to it on repeat until I had it memorized). The lines of the hand are actually the lyrics to the song.

Namesake

I'm not exactly sure when or where I first came across this poem or even who wrote it (I've seen authorship attributed to a few different people), but I'm positive it was sometime during my first 2 years of undergrad at Loras. It really spoke to me then and continues to speak to me each time I read it. I used to have it posted next to my bed and next to my crucifix, but my copies have since gotten lost in a couple of moves. Despite being lost, I frequently look up the poem and read it a couple of times, especially when I'm going through something tough. Not only does it remind me to "hang it on the cross," but it allows me to remember that I don't bear my cross alone. 

After some recent events and some thinking and praying, I've decided to start this blog. I don't know what I'm going to write about or even how often, but I'm going to try it out. Who knows I may post a few times and abandon it, but it's worth a shot. Let me know if there are any specific things you'd like to hear from me about. God bless and enjoy the poem!

Hang It On The Cross

If you have a secret sorrow, a burden or a loss, an aching need for healing... Hang It On The Cross. If worry steals your sleep and makes you turn and toss, if your heart is feeling heavy... Hang It On The Cross. Every obstacle to faith or doubt you come across, every prayer unanswered... Hang It On The Cross. For Christ has borne our brokeness and dearly paid the cost To turn our trials to triumph... Hanging On The Cross.